me kay cooke

Working assumptions for a simpler life

Our beliefs drive our behaviour, so it is important to check in from time to time, with the assumptions we make every day.

When we check, repair and refine our beliefs about our place in the world around us, we get to choose attitudes that serve us and enable positive and worthwhile relationships.

Are you aware of your ‘rules’ or ‘guidelines’ or ‘beliefs’ for living?

NLP offers us a set of principles to live by, referred to as the NLP presuppositions – these are the working assumptions we choose to live by and be guided by:

  • Everyone has a unique perception of the world – a mental map
  • Everyone makes the best choice they perceive is available to them at the time they make it
  • There is no failure, only feedback – we are designed to adapt and thrive
  • Behind every behaviour, there is a positive intention – at a primitive level, we all want to feel safe, connected and secure
  • The meaning of the communication is the result we get, which means we are responsible for our actions
  • There is a solution to every problem
  • People aren’t broken and don’t need fixing. We have within us all the resources we will ever need, we just need to make the right connections and may need help in this adjustment
  • The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour has the greatest influence, like playing the queen in a game of chess
  • Mind and body are part of the same system
  • If one person can do it, anyone can learn the ‘code’ or strategy
  • What we recognise in others is also true within ourselves (we have to be able to understand through our own mental map of the world, to be capable of reproducing it as a thought)
  • The way to understand, is to be doing
  • Knowledge, thought, memory and imagination are the result of sequences and combinations of ways of filtering and storing information (which means if something isn’t working, you can change the sequence, filter or code)

10 Thought Leaders

How exciting! I’m getting ready to share centre stage with some fantastic speakers during a one-day event in London on October 2nd 2015. NLP Life Training is hosting 10 of us to showcase our applications of NLP in 10 different ways.

Me – I’m going to be sharing some case studies of working with children, using NLP & NHR to liberate choices in thinking and doing. Perhaps you’ve already read my earlier blog on ‘The Devil in the Classroom’? One such example of how easy change can be. Using play, creativity and childlike belief in magic are all ingredients for a Happy Brain. Teaching our next generation how to use their brains to think on purpose and expand their horizons, is for me, the most important job in the world. I see so many adult clients who, had they had such formative support and education, would have made a whole lot more of their lives.

I’m also driven to share the gems I would like to have known, way back when my kids were growing up. It seems so simple, knowing what I know now, and it is. Magically simple, when you know how.

I’m excited, not only to be sharing some anecdotes, but also to be part of a great line-up of speakers. How much more will I learn in just one day!?!

Click here for information about the event, the weekend and live streaming.

Time to break free?

Do you smoke? I used to. In truth, over the 3 decades since I stopped having a relationship with the habit of smoking, I have still been known to enjoy the odd sneaky puff when the moment has felt right. But I am not a smoker, do not believe smoking is healthy, do not value the habit and do not engage in that ritual of comfort or conformity. Well, maybe once a year at the Christmas party …

I have no issue with people choosing to smoke – so long as they perceive they have a choice. Certainly, I am convinced by scientific fact that smoking is brutal, yet an even stronger behavioural driver wins hands-down. Smoking tastes and smells disgusting to me.

Smell is personal. The olfactory nerve is our only sensory input channel feeding directly into the limbic system, a part of the brain involved in activating fight or flight reactions.

Many primitive tribes people hunt, hide, mate, and heal by trusting their olfactory sense, literally led by their noses. We, on the other hand, have a lesser faith in sensory-based information, firmly favouring top down rational ‘thinking’.

NLP is a great toolkit to use to explore processes of choosing to continue, or stop, a behaviour, and helps to unearth key factors involved in our ability to make such decisions. For example, taking one feeling and using it as leverage towards or away from said behaviour; a fortuitous discovery for me 30 years ago when, inadvertently, I stopped the smoking habit of my mother.

There I was, pregnant with my parents’ first grandchild and sanctimonious about having given up the habit myself ‘for the good of my unborn’.

“Do you want your grandchild to know you through the smell of fags?” I naively asked my mum. And that was it. Her (until then) life-long dependency on a habit dispersed, into a puff of smoke (excuse the pun). Little did any of us know then, what we know now, that I had simply attached something of high value to my mum (relationship with grandchild) to smelling bad. The swish was made, and as her habit hit a new threshold, it simply imploded.

Change can happen in an instant when you know how.

Are you ready to make a change?